In honor of the recent Holgorsen incident a song parody from The City of Morgantown, sung to the tune of “The Gambler”

On a warm mid-May evenin’, at the Mardi Gras Casino
I met up with a guy who had Phil Collins’ physique.
So we played blackjack till midnight while we drank our Ketel Red Bulls.
When the buzz it overtook us, he began to speak.
 
He said, “Son, I’ve lived my life, not caring for others’ opinions.
And if you look at my haircut, that comes as no surprise.
But I’ve had my share of successes, and I’ve been to lots of places,
For a taste of your Red Bull, I’ll give you some advice.”
 
So I handed him my Red Bull, and he drank down my last swallow.
Then he flagged down a waitress and ordered another can.
And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression.
He said, “If you’re gonna play the game, boy, you gotta have a solid plan.
 
You’ve got to know when to Holg ‘em, know when to fold ‘em
Know when to pass it deep, and occasion-ally run.
You never settle for field goals when you’re sittin’ in the red zone.
There’ll be time enough for field goals, if you save a timeout, son.
 
Every OC knows that the secret to survivin’
Is putting up lots of points upon that big fancy scoreboard.
‘Cause thirty points is nice and forty’s even better
And if your D’s halfway decent, you shouldn’t get outscored”
 
And when he finished speakin’, he got up from the table,
And later on that night, I hear he threw quite of a fit.
He got escorted out the building, and his boss sure wasn’t happy.
But I don’t care too much about that, as long as he beats Pitt.
 
You’ve got to know when to Holg ‘em, know when to fold ‘em
Know when to pass it deep, and occasion-ally run.
You never settle for field goals when you’re sittin’ in the red zone.
There’ll be time enough for field goals, if you save a timeout, son.