Dear WVU,

I recognize in advance that I’m not as smart as your people who are in charge of these sorts of things are, but can I just gently suggest that having your move-in day on a Friday (as opposed to a Saturday) is arguably the most idiotic thing in the entire history of bureaucratic decision making?

Seriously, how on Earth is it possible that you thought of all the possible permutations of move-in day and arrived at, “Let’s do this on a Friday when the entire town is either headed to or home from work!” and not at literally any other strategy. For instance, there is a day that happens every week, immediately after Friday, which would have been an infinitely better choice. This day is called Saturday. Look it up. It is a day that occurs during something called the weekend, which are the two days a week when the overwhelming majority of the rest of Morgantown ISN’T TRYING TO GET TO OR HOME FROM WORK. 

Unless your goal is to create as much gridlock as possible. Is that your goal? Maybe it is. Maybe that explains how you could arrive at a strategy so utterly bankrupt of what one might describe as critical thought. After all, the only way your decision could have been any worse is if you’d decided that move-in day should happen during a home football game. In fact, I’m kind of surprised you missed this opportunity to ruin everybody’s day.

Maybe next year?

Sincerely,

Guy Losing His Mind In This Traffic